Transport Tweets - The "What if God Were One of Us?" Edition

Transport Tweets. Because Melbourne's public transport is some of the most tweetable.

• lol, like the person on Twitter sticking to Metcard because the #myki touch screens "capture fingerprints" #peoplearemorons

• yarra trams customer service guy just said, 'Hey hey, ho ho, this tram's about to go!'

• when I stayed in Melb, I was shocked to know that a bus driver-passenger quarrel could make the news

• Another guy waving his #Myki card around on the scanner, with no joy. HOLD IT STILL, dude!

• I've been touching on and touching off with Myki for a week... But I'm still unsure as to where this relationship is heading...

• What happened to Aussie Hero food on the train? VLine, your shit food is shit, expensive, and shit.

• Haha! Just watched a guy walk up to the cops and slur, "I had a problem with people on the tram calling me drunk!" They're now searching him

• Drunk dude with dog on train passed out with souvlaki in hand. I think doggy is going to try lift it from him. Go doggy!

• What if God was one of us? What if God was on a bus? Well he'd probably inhale toxic fumes, his myki wouldn't work and he'd be late to work.

• Passive agressive tram drivers are the best tram drivers.

• who needs the Myer stocktake sale when there are junkies pawning their jewellery on the 109?

• I just had a meeting @ work- my guest arrived on a melbourne bike share bike! Surprised? No, astonished!

Transport Tweets - The Wrong Side of The River Edition

Transport Tweets: shut up and listen.

• you don't wanna catch the bus for five minutes by yourself? BAWWW HAVE A FUCKING CRY

• Overheard some bloke on the train describe his current dilemma as a "catch 24." Bloody idiot. I'm Derryn Hinch.

• Am on #75 tram and a couple just swapped numbers after he asked her out....aw sweet! #75 now known as the love tram #mustbelove

• Sitting on the floor of the tram dreaming of drinking a gallon of miso soup

• Guy just got on the train and shouted at the top of his lungs "Merry Christmas everyone... Oh. God. I'm. depressed."

• Early Sunday morning, Prahran to Geelong. Coffee, sunglasses, sandwich, headphones. Tram, metro, #Vline, bus. Riding with the hungover crew.

• Dear old guy in front of me on the bus if you push back on your chair onto my legs one more time I'll throw u off the fucking bus!!!

• My East African taxi driver just called my fellow passenger a douche. Then he proceeded to say this in three different languages.

• Joy. Single white female waiting for bus with bunch of white middle class drunk bogans. #timesineedaboyfriend

• Whoops. Indian just emptied his stomach contents on train carriage door. Time for a new seat.

• Curse you full bladder + copious amounts of alcohol + long tram ride #WrongSideOfTheRiver

• Also, wine drunk is head-drunk not full-body-drunk like beer. Train eavesdropping proves informative.

• @fakemetrotrains Metro Trains hope to improve services by building a new train line in the Yarra River

• Just had an interesting convo with a drugged up guy on the train. Apparently im gay cauz i dont do weed...

• There is someone on my tram wearing clogs. And fake fur. Hmm

Transport Tweets - The "Is That A Book Reading Machine?" Edition

London has werewolves; Melbourne has transport tweets. Here they are:

• A man on the tram has a sword! http://twitpic.com/2jw7ly

• I had 15 minutes to wait for my train, so I did what any reasonable person would have done - gorged on churros. #OHSWEETJESUS #SOGOOD

• Melbourne Tram Rule 4: On the 78 and 79 trams, everyone will give you a dirty look. But if you don't mind, neither will they

• Got my @SarahKSilverman book in the mail today! Now I can read a book about bed wetting on the tram. Oh yeah

• Of course it's raining and of course I missed my tram. It just wouldn't make sense otherwise.

• Jennifer is my stoned friend. She hopped on the Craigieburn train, thinking it was the Sydenham Line.

• RT @smperris: Older gent on train was so fascinated by my iPad he just had to ask: "Excuse me, is that a … book reading machine?". Gold

• I LOVE my pocket wifi, i'm like a walking hotspot! Brilliant lil bit of tech. Equal to my #myki in my heart (yes i love it, sue me)

• #sundaywriterage7 just made me laugh out loud on the train! Burning bums and runs - did Colin just have his first curry?

• 19 tram stops from roast lamb.

Transport Tweets - The " Richard Dawkins Vs The Abusing Nuns" Edition

Tweets. More of them. Accept it.

• Help! I am ipodless and a lady on the train sound like Fran Drescher but MORE nasal. Oh god!

• Drove across Melbourne to see a client: 1 hour to travel 40km. Makes me glad I catch the train!

• Smoke on the water,Tram on the horizon.

• Pakula, Mulder and Barber talk PT with commuters; Melb Town Hall, Wed 8 Sep 5.30 pm http://tiny.cc/84p6m

• The Australian Sex Party suggests you vigorously touch on and touch off your myki.

• I think the bad guy from the original die hard is on my tram.

• swiping a myki is like a harry potter spell in its complexity- and I have the feeling I just failed charms class

• Nothing says bad ass like a tram running a red light. Fight the power, little driver man!

• bummer. myki rocks, metcard should just die.

• There is an American on my tram to work reciting spoken word poetry into his phone's recorder. I love Melbourne

• A nun sat next to me on the tram this morning & asked what I do for a job; I told her & she said "that sounds really boring."

• My tram driver looks like a Malaysian Richard Dawkins.

• People who don't move up in the tram to allow people to get on board deserve to wash Tony Abbot's speedos.

Transport Tweets - The "Hottest Ranga on the Train" Edition

• fozmeadows: RT @annaryanpunch: The ridiculous 'ding ding ding ding' of a tram with an angry driver. It's like a fairy stamping its foot. #reasonstolive

• Darvo110: Cute.. An old man and lady just met on the train and are totally getting their subtle, old fashioned flirt on.

• bhawikab: I got so excited by watching a guy in the tram sitting opposite me with the original hook #moustache and a long #goatee. #win

• thebrothahood: To these fake kids on my train: We get the msg loud and clear. You're madoggs, u have alot of friends and you do drugs. You want a medal?
  

• @sbawe32 how do you know the train is female. Did you take a peek at her caboose?

• odernPrincess: same kid was hanging from balcony by his ankles just before fight w' bus driver started

• DrewBoyTweets: Hottest ranga on the train... EVA! #BenefitsofSandringhamLine

• Macgyverite: There's a young woman smoking at the train station with her baby and bags from a sex shop...

• Zoezora: Eating toffee on the tram. I look like a fool. A tasty, tasty fool.

• nataliemoo: RT @deckchairguru: RESPECT RT @weirdturnedpro: Two elderly gentlemen just had a verbal on the train. Even in anger they called each other 'sir'

• Stacey_MCRmy: I love the little tune before the myki announcement :) it makes you feel happy XD

• ukemarkof: RT @jngo: Thanks to @tullyhansen and @kiwiguy72, I no longer look like the n00b that scrambles to touch off his #myki before getting off the tram.

• TerryRNewton: Should I be concerned that the majority of vision from the police add for knife violence was filmed at my train station?

• NereadersDigest: FSCK! How did I miss South Yarra station?! Bugger bugger bugger - express to Caulfield. Too used to slow tram journeys.

• dbxii: the train driver just breathed heavily over the intercom and creeped out 200 people simultaneously. good work m8.

• timsterne: Taking lots of drugs & riding the overnight bus from Eden to Melb. Did you know there are flouro talking owls in Bairnsdale? #reasonstolive

• sbawe32: Train woman is hot but has knuckle hair. Not cool

• ixvix: @CocoBambi Some trolls reside in the train taking up more than one seat >:\

• oh_sitara: Cannot suss out if bus driver was a little slow, or was looking down my top. Note to self: button your shirt BEFORE you leave the house.

Transport Tweets - The "Sammy's asking the right questions" edition

Transport Tweets of the Week.. You know why.

• @Jacey_Ray: standing in the middle of the road will not make the tram come any faster you stupid motherfucker! Someone hit him pleeese!

• @alex4point0 @mykimate Institute for Sustainable Transport this morning on RRR alleged UV light in Summer reset bus readers. Do they need SPF50? #myki

• @andrewgould: 3AW on my iPhone while waiting for a train. This excites me a little bit too much.

• @Miss_Melbourne: Wearing my little train driver hat has cheered me up immensely though. Leather caps ftw.

• @deccles26: @essjayeff Was the guy who gave you the evil stare on the tram reading Narnia a Family First candidate? :-P

• @rantingpudding: is contemplating violence due to the most obnoxious asshats on the train and now believes there should be a weight limit on tights

• @yonderboy: how many guys does it take to install a vending machine at a train station? seven. in case you were wondering..

• @sergicles: I think I need more sleep, that, or a tram just did a U turn.

• @Cabenrizisles: A lady just sat next to me on the train and 'crossed' herself. Should I be offended???

• @Higlak: I feel that the taxi service in Melbourne invokes the battle rage or at least the urge to chase them around town, barking and biting tires.

• @ambiej: Fishballs are not a pre 12pm food... RT @robodelta: Hey lady, fishballs are not a tram friendly food.

• @lydia_rape: OH MY HOLY FUCK! MY BUS DRIVER SOUNDS LIKE SANTA CLAUS!!!! ahahahahahaha

• @robodelta: Seething public transport rage tempered by novelty of train passenger that looks uncannily like mister potato head.

• @sammyjones: Why do we thank bus but not tram drivers?

• @robbiedashwood: Damn the hot guy at the train station is wearing a school uniform...

• @phil_up81: Heard a brilliant mashup of twinkle twinkle little star, and humpy dumpty on the bus today. Give that kid a mic.

• @PotatoChrisp: Hurry the fuck up train i need to pee!

Transport Tweets - The "Friday Night is Bittersweet Human Night" Edition

Transport tweets, because Friday night is... Well.... It's like this... It's when the human comes out.

• @nehiroyku: On the train now on my way to see "let the sunshine" at the arts centre I love Melbourne Theatre Company

• @imaginarywen: Witnessed a man putting blu-tack in his ears in the place of earplugs on the train to uni this morning. Was sufficiently weirded out. :|

• @HaiSooDesu: On the 48 tram as the post AFL game crowd piles in outside the MCG. Bogans. Fuck. My. Life.

• @ZeeZeeWednesday: I'm actually sitting on a train crying,because I was just surrounded and followed by pigeons and seagulls

• @sdecampo: Shootings a block from work.Police cars fly past lights blazing during dinner.Waiting at station and bunch of police board train. #melbfail

• @BenJ_D: I could write an album about my hour & a half tram ride home. 'You Smell' would be the first single from 'On the 86'.....move over J Lo.

• @thistornado: Omg I just saw an extremely attractive girl pick her nose and eat it on the tram. #shocked

• @Dotti28: Ah fri the 13th.. My shoe came off n i stood in a puddle, missed my train and my bag broke.. Glad I can always see the funny side! Lol

• @MykiFlog: @croops Myki is a smartcard. It knows you are going to get on the turps at the Walkabout and pull a dud root. myki -looking after your cred

• @nolamjames the people who eat dim sims on the train are even worse/smellier!

• @BenJ_D: Catching the number 86 tram from Bundoora to the city.....if this was 1998 I'd be so cool right now. Perhaps even fully sick.

• @Marxamus: Was just called a sweetie for letting a few women on before me on the train. Makes you feel good :)

• @injerarufus: @peregrinari7 He's just warned me of some nutters about to pass by... but maybe they jumped on the tram

• @jassie6: so many collingwood nuff nuffs on this train! Come on @essendon_fc
  

• @imTHEsinger: Hahahaha work it out boy (says in a high pitched voice and snaps finger). RT @neilsgardiner Hello hot people on the tram! *wipes drool*

• @eamcook: I drunk too much at work and passed out on train #thisishowitis